6 Weird Things I Think I Knew About Sex

6 Weird Things I Think I Knew About Sex

Our whole existence depends on it, but we teach each other little to nothing about it.

I’m talking about sex, of course.
Sex is such a personal act that it’s hard to talk about it without feeling vulnerable, guilty or ashamed-

let alone ask questions about it.

No wonder there is such a huge discrepancy between how important sex is and how much we know it.

I for one would have gotten a lot of benefits from sex a year ago if I had the right knowledge about it.

It would have made me feel much more ‘normal’ and probably, less isolated.

I waited till I was 18 to get laid and most of the things I wish I had known at least a year ago before I had sex for-

the first time, have very little to do with the physical mechanics of first-time intercourse. I felt ready so it wasn’t-

like I didn’t have enough time to do my research and of course, my first time came with a couple of surprises.

• 

Fortunately,

I was well informed about the hurt that could probably follow having penetrative sex for the first time even after plenty of foreplay.

I also knew from the experiences that, typically, girls only orgasm during their first-time sex in romance books and-

movies but what I didn’t know before I had sex was this:

Having sex for the first time shouldn’t make you feel like you are losing anything, and it definitely shouldn’t-

make you feel like you’re bound for life to the first person you have sex with.

Unfortunately, thanks to my deeply religious upbringing, society’s tendency to slut-shame women from girlhood and-

even my own insecurities, I placed too much value on my first-time sex but don’t misinterpret,

I think I will always look back on my first sexual experience with a man just fondly but still, there-

are things I wish I knew a year ago about sex and 6 of them are:

LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY DOESN’T MEAN YOU’VE LOST VALUE:

I grew up in an Anglican Christian home, so I was raised to place an unhealthy amount of value on my virginity.

I was told by my mother, Sunday school teachers and even during bible study that my virginity was a

“precious gift” that it was my “pride” and therefore it was of utmost value so it was my sole-

responsibility to save myself for my future husband.

When I had my first period at 13, it was worst because mother constantly made a reminder to me that true love waits.

Fortunately, none of these kept from enjoying my first-time sex at 18 and by this time,

I had abandoned most of my religious upbringing so there was no iota of guilt or remorse in me-

about having sex outside of the covenant of holy matrimony but I did feel like I had lost a valuable part of myself.

I was worried that I had made myself less desirable by 5 minutes pleasure

and I really wish I had not felt that way, I mean, having sex for the first time is much of a fuss for-

most people and believe me, it’s not a bad thing neither is it unnatural.

Unfortunately, most girls, whether they grew up in a religious home or not are raised to think or-

see their virginity as how it can please other people.

We’re taught to think of our virginity as though it belongs to our future husbands as if the-

supposed future husbands are robbed of something when we sleep with them after being deflowered.

MISSIONARY IS NOT ALWAYS THE BEST STYLE TO START OFF WITH:

I don’t know if it’s because missionary is the most primary sex position or-

if it’s because most movies show scenes featuring heterosexual deflowering showing young-

couples in the missionary position but I assumed that my first time would be less painful if my ex and I started off that way but it wasn’t.

After a few extremely painful minutes of trying to have sex in the missionary position, my ex-

suggested that I get on top of him so gravity could help us and that made things easier for both of us.

LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY TO SOMEONE DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE BOUND TO THEM FOR LIFE:

I knew I wasn’t obliged to spend the rest of my life with the first person I slept with, but since I spent-

my life believing that sex is sacred, I felt like I needed to exhaust every effort to make things work-

with the first guy I had sex with.

I also felt like he would value me in a way that another man wouldn’t, simply because he was my first.

It was an extremely unhealthy mentality to have, and it’s one of the reasons I stayed in a toxic relationship for years.

In fact, it’s been some months since I broke up with my ex and with that I have realized having-

sex with someone even if they were your first, is not really what bonds you.

Love, mutual respect and friendship are what truly bond you to someone.

To be fair, I really loved my ex with everything in me so there’s a possibility that I might have still stayed in that relationship for too long even if I had grown in a sex-positive home.

These said, I do hope people won’t take that first-time bonding seriously.

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SOME GIRLS DON’T BLEED ON THEIR FIRST TIME:

I grew up thinking my loss of virginity would result in a significant amount of blood-loss.

I figured, at the very least, getting my cherry popped would ruin my sheets but for whatever reason, I didn’t bleed at all until the second time but even then, it was maybe two tablespoons of blood at most.

IF YOUR PARTNER IS CONSIDERATE, THE PAIN SHOULD BE BEARABLE:

Like I said earlier, my first time hurt a lot and I think that is probably the case for-

women when they have penetrative sex for the first time, that said, I feel like it’s really-

unhealthy and frightening to tell girls that their first time would be excruciatingly painful.

Don’t misunderstand me now, I’m very grateful other women told me about this but it would-

have been better if people had told me that the pain should be totally manageable-

if your partner isn’t a total jerk and really wants to give you pleasure.

IT IS TOTALLY OK IF YOUR FIRST TIME ISN’T AS ROMANTIC AS YOU HOPED:

As far a first times go, I think mine was pretty great.

Yes, it hurt but I was in love and there was no pressure neither did I even feel scared.

He was gentle, took his time and I was ready.

Although, I wanted my first time to be a touch more romantic and I had felt pretty much bad about that.

There wasn’t any sexy mood music and even the candlelight I had always envisioned was nonexistent because I didn’t find a lighter.

On top of that, our rhythm was hilariously off most of the night. It’s ok though because isn’t supposed to be perfect, it just has to be what you want to do.

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